Morning eKa Circle,
If you don’t follow the holistic psychologist then I suggest you do if you are interested in any type of trauma healing. Her daily posts are spot on and resonate in so many ways. Todays post on instagram was a total “aha” in relation to childhood emotional neglect.
“Childhood emotional neglect is when parent figures don’t have the awareness or resources to notice, respond or help you work through your emotions.” the holistic psychologist
“Usually, emotional neglect is unconscious. We live in a society that does not give parents the tools to deal with their own emotions, let alone the emotions of their children.” the holistic psychologist
There is no “blame” for this emotional neglect is often passed without processed thought. Circumstances play a huge part as well- consider single parenting for example. Many of us were raised this way and we have become a society of disconnected beings with symptoms of low self esteem. We cannot expect those that haven’t developed the skill set to regulate their own emotions to help another.
Here is what that can look like according to Dr Nicole. I must say I ticked nearly all of these not just for myself but for others that I chat to daily. It’s messy out there! We do have a way to go working through our emotional wellness in order to be a healthier and happier community. I am encouraged though that there are SO many doing the essential inner work on themselves. Please do a mental check on the list below and process how many of these might relate to your own emotional health journey.
Some of what we are processing is generational; not all of it is ours to carry.
* Not talking to or supporting a child after a stressful or overwhelming situation. (avoidance, denial)
* Chronically invalidating a child’s feelings (get over it, man up, you have no reason to be sad, that didn’t happen.)
* Not getting to know a child for who they truly are. (inability to connect)
* Dumping intense emotional information onto children (your father is always with other women, your mother is crazy)
* A focus of attention or love on a child only when they achieve or produce.
* Acting as if a child is a peer, an adult from an early age.
Understanding childhood neglect is an important thing to understand for anyone working within the community, even if you have not encountered it. To recognise the symptoms means that you can help a child overcome this cycle. Childhood emotional abuse ticks a lot of symptoms that we observe on a daily basis. No blame, just change. Awareness is everything.
Symptoms of childhood emotional neglect:
* failure to thrive
* developmental delays
* low self esteem
* substance misuse
* withdrawal from friends and activities
* shunning emotional closeness or intimacy
Here is a checklist to ponder listed by Dr Nicole the Holistic Psychologist. Ask yourself honestly can you see generations of these symptoms in our current society?
Signs you have experienced childhood emotional neglect:
* You struggle to know what you are actually feeling and how to express it.
* You are easily influenced by group think.
* You have commitment issues or don’t trust easily.
* You have a core belief that you are broken and fear others realising this.
* You punish yourself or self sabotage.
* You believe that the world is a cold, dark scary place.
* You have low self worth and a dissociated (numb) to your feelings.
This was TOO GOOD not to share. I encourage conscious processing. Be the change.
Find creative outlets for the releasing of emotions. Emotions are not the enemy they are there to show you the root of the problem. Often in a Pathways session when a trauma is revealed to me I ask the client “who have you shared this with?” – so many shared it at a very young age with a caregiver and were either not heard or believed because it was deemed “too shocking to deal with.” The impact of not feeling heard as a child while suffering rocks the foundations of trust for relationships. It is time to sweep the mess out from under the carpets and have people feel heard. Please reach out if you need some help.
love & light
M + E
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